How to crush self-doubt

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Self-doubt and insecurity were my new BFF’s last week, following me around like I was the popular kid. They gossiped about my vulnerabilities and laughed at my confusion of the future. They were without a doubt, MEAN GIRLS. 

All of us experience less-than-stellar moments when negative self-talk eats us alive, and yet, the realization doesn’t make it any less crushing.

If a friend confessed the presence of false truths, we’d give her love, grace, and patience. So why don’t we give ourselves that in return? It’s a bad habit we need to shake, like, yesterday.

Next time, when you get caught between perception and reality, try this:

1. Make time to talk to yourself (nicely) 

2. Seek out your values. What do you value? How do you want to be perceived? I want my presence to exude charisma, intelligence, kindness, and grace. 

3. Find perspective. What are you beating yourself up about? Call it out, grab hold of it, and pit it up against your values. Did you approach the situation with your values? If so, you’re living the life you envision for yourself.

I had an interview last week. At some point in that meeting, my confidence got shy and my self-doubt got loud. I beat myself up over it. My ego was heartbroken and searching for answers to burning questions. Where do I fit in? Am I doing what I was meant to be doing? Did they like me?

I can’t answer those questions. I can say that I approached the situation with kindness. I worked hard in preparation. I was friendly. And I expressed gratitude in having had the opportunity. My values were all present.

We won’t always have the power to control the situation, but we do have the power to face it in the way we choose.

4. Share your struggles. Play with perspective; share your struggles with someone you’re close with. Come out with it. Give a sigh of relief. Deflate. You’re not in it alone. Soak in a new perspective. See the situation in a new light.

Here are the words a sweet friend offered up when I did just that:

"You are one of the strongest people I have ever met and that's one of the best qualities you posses. But you don't always have to be strong. I can be strong for you when you have a weak moment. You just have to trust me to be there when you need it."

When your confident inner goddess is having an off day, giver her a pep talk and trust your friends will do the same. Together you can tell those MEAN GIRLS, you can’t sit with us.